I wrote this and posted it on Deviant Art a long time ago...Here, I thought I'd share it with those who might care to look at it.
Amore et Semper Fatalis
by ~Jakqe
My tears are dry,
my heart is still,
I've gone numb,
Is this even real?
I couldn't cry if I tried,
If you cut me,
There would be no blood,
How did this happen?
I'm not enough?
I'm not who she needs?
Why do I care so much?
Is it because she's who I loved?
My skin is cold,
My eyes stare without seeing,
My thoughts are spinning,
What have I done?
Is it something I've done?
Something I didn't do?
Why did she seek out another,
who so obviously wants to replace me?
I can't feel anything,
My emotions are gone,
My hopes and dreams destroyed,
All that remains is hard reality.
I'm losing her,
to a man who can offer her anything,
who will pay for her schooling,
and move with her to stay with her.
He's offering her a chance,
that I never could,
moving and paying,
all out of my reach.
He's got more experience,
he's got more money,
he's better than me,
how can I compete?
I can't hurt him,
because it would hurt her,
so what options do I have,
but my own death?
I gave her a promise,
so long ago,
that I'd always be here,
no matter what happens.
No matter if she was gone,
for a day or a decade,
or if she found someone,
better than I.
But is that a promise,
I can actually keep,
To keep talking to her,
and the man who has stolen her?
To kill a little of myself,
day after day,
watching her be happy,
while I never can?
What about watching,
her raise her children,
happily in a family,
with that man?
Could I really stand it?
Could I stay sane?
Could I recover?
Or stop feeling the pain?
The answer to these questions,
Short as it may be,
Is very plain,
but is always the same...
No.
I couldn't stand it,
I couldn't stay sane,
I'd never recover,
Or stop feeling the pain.
I would close my eyes,
And always see her,
So beautiful and delightful,
Held in the thief's embrace.
Watching the other man,
Do what he will,
Raising her kids,
Bringing me hell.
What is it they say,
To men who've lost everything?
There's no point in living,
If you can't feel alive.
And watching her be with him,
Their happiness would spear me,
Their love would twist me,
And my emotions would numb me.
I can't hold up to a promise,
That would surely become,
The cause of my death,
Over such a long time
But why do I dwell?
Is it because I can't stand it?
To lose her to a man,
Who she just met?
My heart will not beat,
It has been ripped and torn,
stomped on and stabbed,
Love may be beyond me.
I won't seek out another,
Because it will end the same,
I'll never been good enough,
To play this stupid game.
For you who reads this,
Let it be known,
I've lost my romantic life,
and it is beneath this stone.
May the Gods and Goddess,
Be merciful upon my remnant,
now and forever incomplete,
And never to be complete.
Amore et Semper Fatalis.
