Okay, so I was writing this post on my dad's computer, and he wanted to use it for a couple of min, so I trashed the original. It was way too long. I'll try and keep this shorter. This is just a general dump of feels and relationship shit, or lack of.
When I was in 8th grade, there was a girl I liked, she knew I liked her, we never really 'dated' or anything, but I talked to her a lot and liked her. That shit ended, was the only person I ever really 'liked', as in more then just a little crush. Two years later and we're friends. She has a boyfriend. Since then I haven't really liked anyone. There was one girl, but due to reasons it is impossible for that to ever work, although she was one of the nicest people I've ever met. So, as I was saying, I haven't really liked anyone. I want to feel that way about someone, but I haven't, and it's just really damn depressing. Sometimes I'd think about that girl in 8th grade, but I've concluded that the only reason I miss what we had is because I don't like anyone else.
Another really depressing thought that's been bugging me: I often wonder how people can say they wish they were in highschool again, but I always scoffed at that, due to me strongly disliking the 'school' aspect of it. I'm starting to feel differently about it though, due to a handful of reasons. First of all, I am halfway through high school, and I want to have some kind of relationships, but I feel everyday I'm just wasting time when I don't do anything. Another thing though, I don't like the idea of actively chasing after people, I mean if I actually like someone I will, but I don't want to go around hitting on people in order to get a girlfriend, it's not like that. I feel like if I just go on with my life eventually I'll meet someone I like, and it'll work out. This plan doesn't go with my whole hating how highschool is quickly disappearing though. It's not like I won't be having relationships after highschool, but I feel this is where I should be having them. I don't know why.
The worst part is the only people I am even slightly interested in are all upperclassmen, and they're going to graduate before me, which is just even more depressing if I ever have some sort of relationship with them that lasts for a decent amount of time.
So, I had a dream last night. It was a long and weird dream. I enjoyed it though. A girl that falls into the category of slightly interested in, takes part in it. Basically a lot of shit happens, but we spend time together in the dream and have a good time. I enjoyed being with her in the dream, not going to go into details on what happened as it's just a lot of weird crap, but here comes the point. I think I'm starting to like her because of the dream, while I've thought about her somewhat normally, I don't like how the dream makes me like her more. As the person in my dream isn't her, but a figment of my subconscious. I feel like I should like her because of shit she does IRL, not my dreams. Overall I guess it's still a happy thing, but I feel like it's for the wrong reasons. She also falls into the category of people who will graduate before me, which makes me feel stressed out like I have to beat the clock if I ever want to have anything between us.
TL;DR: Everyone on CG misuses the Iron-E-Meter and it just hits me right in the feels sometimes.